Presents

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M U S I C A L   N U M B E R S

 

 

Rock Island 1st Salesman: Cash for the merchandise, cash for the button hooks 3rd Salesman: Cash for the cotton goods, cash for the hard goods 1st Salesman: Cash for the fancy goods 2nd Salesman: Cash for the noggins and the piggins and the frikins 3rd Salesman: Cash for the hogshead, cask and demijohn. Cash for the crackers and the pickles and the flypaper. 4th Salesman: Look whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk, whatayatalk? 5th Salesman: Wheredayagitit? 4th Salesman: Whatayatalk? 1st Salesman: Ya can talk, ya can talk, ya can bicker, ya can talk, ya can bicker, bicker, bicker, ya can talk, ya can talk, ya can talk, talk, talk, talk, bicker, bicker, bicker, ya can talk all ya want but is different than it was. Charlie: No it ain't, no it ain't, but you gotta know the territory 3rd Salesman: Chi chi chi chi chi chi chi. Why it's the Model T Ford made the trouble, made the people wanna go, wanna get, wanna get, wanna get up and go seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve, fourteen, twenty-two, twenty-three miles to the county seat 1st Salesman: Yes sir, yes sir 3rd Salesman: Who's gonna patronize a little bitty two by four kinda store anymore? 4th Salesman: Whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk, 5th Salesman: Where do you get it? 3rd Salesman: Gone, gone Gone with the hogshead cask and demijohn, gone with the sugar barrel, pickle barrel, milk pan, gone with the tub and the pail and the tierce 2nd Salesman: Ever meet a fellow by the name of Hill? 1st Salesman: Hill? Charlie: Hill? 3rd Salesman: Hill? 4th Salesman: Hill? 1st Newspaper: Hill? 2nd Newspaper: Hill? 5th Salesman: Hill? 2nd Salesman: Hill! All But Charlie & 2nd Salesman: NO! Charlie: Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute 4th Salesman: Never heard of any salesman Hill 2nd Salesman: Now he doesn't know the territory 1st Salesman: Doesn't know the territory?!? 3rd Salesman: What's the fellow's line? 2nd Salesman: Never worries 'bout his line 1st Salesman: Never worries 'bout his line?!? 2nd Salesman: Or a doggone thing, He's just a bang beat, bell ringing, Big haul, great go, neck-or-nothing, rip roarin', every time a bull's eye salesman, That's Professor Harold Hill, Harold Hill 3rd Salesman: What's the fellow's line? 5th Salesman: What's his line? Charlie: He's a fake, and he doesn't know the territory! 4th Salesman: Look, whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk, whaddaya talk? 2nd Salesman: He's a music man 3rd Salesman: He's a what? He's a what? 2nd Salesman: He's a music man and he sells clarinets to the kids in the town with the big trombones and the rat-a-tat drums, big brass bass, big brass bass, and the piccolo, the piccolo with uniforms, too with a shiny gold braid on the coat and a big red stripe runnin'-- 1st Salesman: Well, I don't know much about bands but I do know you can't make a living selling big trombones, no sir. Mandolin picks, perhaps and here and there a Jew's harp... 2nd Salesman: No, the fellow sells bands, Boys' bands. I don't know how he  does it but he lives like a king and he dallies and he gathers and he plucks and he shines, and when the man dances Certainly, boys, what else? The piper pays him! Yes sir,  yes sir, yes sir, yes sir, when the man dances, certainly,  boys, what else? The piper pays him! Yessssir, Yessssir Charlie: But he doesn't know the territory! Iowa Stubborn Oh... There's nothing halfway About the Iowa way to treat you When we treat you Which we may not do at all. There's an Iowa kind of special Chip-on-the-shoulder attitude We've never been without That we recall. We can be cold a our falling Thermometer in December If you ask about our weather in July And we're so By-God stubborn We can stand touchin' noses For a week at a time And never see eye-to-eye. But what the heck, you're welcome Join us at the picnic, You can have your fill Of all the food you bring yourself. You really ought to give Iowa a try. Provided you are contrary. We can be cold a our falling Thermometer in December If you ask about our weather in July And we're so By-God stubborn We can stand touchin' noses For a week at a time And never see eye-to-eye. But we'll give you our shirt And a back to go with it If your crops should happen to die So what the heck, you're welcome Glad to have you with us Even though we may not ever mention it again You really ought to give Iowa, Hawkeye, Iowa, Dubuque Des Moines Davenport Marshalltown Mason City Keokuk Ames Clear Lake Ought to give Iowa a try! Ya Got Trouble Harold: Well, ya got trouble, my friend. Right here, I say trouble right here in River City Why, sure, I'm a billiard player Certainly mighty proud to say, I'm always mighty proud to say it I consider the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye Didja ever take an' try an' give an iron clad leave to yourself from a three-rail billiard shot? But just as I say it takes judgment, brains and maturity to score in a balk-line game I say that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket And I call that sloth, the first big step on the road to the depths of degreda-- I say, first- medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle And the next thing you know your son is playin' for money in a pinchback suit And listenin' to some big out-o'-town jasper hear him tell about horserace gamblin' Not a wholesome trottin' race, no, but a race where they set down right on the horse Like to see some stuck up jockey boy sittin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil, well I should say! Now, folks, let me show you what I mean You got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum With a capital 'B' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool' And all week long, your River City youth'll be fritterin' away I say, your young men'll be fritterin' Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime, too Get the ball in the pocket Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled or the screen door  patched or the beefsteak pounded Never mind pumpin' any water 'til your parents are caught with the cistern empty on a Saturday night and that's trouble Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' trouble I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers shirt-tail young-ones peekin' in the pool hall winda after school Ya got trouble, folks, right here in River City with a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool' Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents I'm gonna be perfectly frank Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on while they're loafin' around that hall They'll be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out Cubebs, tryin' out tailor-mades like cigarette fiends And braggin' all about how they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen One fine night they leave the pool hall headin' for the dance at the Armory Libertine men and scarlet women and ragtime Shameless music that'll grab your son, your daughter into the arms of a jungle animal instinct--massteria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground, trouble! Townspeople: Oh, we got trouble Harold: Right here in River City Townspeople: Right here in River City Harold: With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool' Townspeople: That stands for pool Harold: We surely got trouble Townspeople: We surely got trouble Harold: Right here in River City Townspeople: Right here Harold: Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school Mothers of River City, heed this warning before it's too late Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption The minute your son leaves the house does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime novel hidden in the corncrib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from Cap'n Billy's Whizbang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like... swell? And... 'so's your old man'?  Well if so, my friends... Ya got trouble Townspeople: Oh, we got trouble Harold: Right here in River City Townspeople: Right here in River City Harold: With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool' Townspeople: That stands for pool Harold: We've surely got trouble Townspeople: We surely got trouble Harold: Right here in River City Townspeople: Right here Harold: Remember The Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule? Oh, we got trouble We're in terrible, terrible trouble That game with the fifteen numbered balls is the devil's tool Townspeople: Devil's tool Harold: Yes, we've got trouble, trouble, trouble Townspeople: Oh, yes, we got trouble here We got big, big trouble Harold: With a 'T' Townspeople: With a capital 'T' Harold: Gotta rhyme it with 'P' Townspeople: That rhymes with 'P' Harold: And that stands for pool! Townspeople: That stands for pool! Piano Lesson Marian: So do la re ti mi A little slower and please keep the fingers curved as nice and high as you possibly can Mrs. Paroo: If you don't mind me saying so It wouldn't have hurt you to have found out what the gentleman wanted Marian: I know what the gentleman wanted. You'll find it in Balzac Mrs. Paroo: Well excuse me for living, but I've never read it. Marian: Neither has anyone else in this town... Mrs. Paroo: There you go again with the same old comment About the low mentality of River City people And takin' it all too much to heart Marian: Now, Mama As long as the Madison Public Library was entrusted to me for the purpose of improving River City's cultural level, I can't help my concern that the ladies of River City keep ignoring all my council and advice. Mrs. Paroo: But darlin': When a woman's gotta husband and you've got none Why should she take advice for you? Even if you can quote Balzac and Shakespeare and All them other highfalutin' Greeks? Marian: Mama, If you don't mind me saying so, you have a bad habit Of changing every subject -- Mrs. Paroo: Now I haven't changed the subject, I was talkin' about that stranger-- Marian: What stranger? Mrs. Paroo: With the suitcase who may be your very last chance Marian: Mama! Do you think that I'd allow a common masher Now really, Mama! I have my standards where men are concerned and I have no intention - Mrs. Paroo: I know all about your standards And if you don't mind me sayin' so There's not a man alive who could hope to measure up To that blend of Paul Bunyan, Saint Pat and Noah Webster You've concocted for yourself Out of your Irish imagination Your Iowa stubbornness and your library fulla' books! Goodnight My Someone Good night, my someone. Good night, my love. Sleep tight, my someone. Sleep tight, my love. Our star is shining its brightest light, For good night, my love, for good night. Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be-- Sweet dreams to carry you close to me. I wish they may and I wish they might. Now good night, my someone, good night. "True love can be whispered from heart to heart, When lovers are parted," they say. But I must depend on a wish and a star As long as my heart doesn't know who you are. Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be-- Sweet dreams to carry you close to me. I wish they may and I wish they might. Now good night, my someone, good night. Good night. Good night. Trouble Reprise/76 Trombones May I have your attention, please? Attention, please. I can deal with this trouble, friends, with the wave of my hand, this very hand. Please observe me, if you will I'm Professor Harold Hill And I'm here to organize a River City Boys Band Oh, think, my friends, how can any pool table ever hope to compete with a gold trombone Raaa- raaa- ra-da-da-da-da-raaa-raa Remember, my friends, what a handful of trumpet players did to the famous, fabled walls of Jericho Oh, billiard parlor walls come a-tumblin' down Oh, a band'll do it, my friends,oh yes I said a Boys Band, do you hear me? I say River City's gotta have a Boys Band and I mean she needs it today Well, Professor Harold Hill's on hand and River City's gonna have her Boys Band As sure as the Lord made little green apples and that band's gonna be in uniform Johnny, Willy, Teddy, Fred And you'll see the glitter of crashing cymbals, and you'll hear the thunder of rolling drums, and the shimmer of trumpets. Ta-ta-ta! And you'll feel something akin to the electric thrill I once enjoyed when Gilmore, Pat Conway, The Great Creatore, W.C. Handy and John Philip Sousa all came to town on the very same historic day! Seventy-six trombones led the big parade With a hundred and ten cornets close at hand. They were followed by rows and rows of the finest virtuosos, The cream of ev'ry famous band. Seventy-six trombones caught the morning sun, With a hundred and ten cornets right behind. There were more than a thousand reeds springing up like weeds,  There were horns of every shape and kind. There were copper bottom timpani in horse platoons,  Thundering, thundering, all along the way. Double bell euphoniums and big bassoons,  Each bassoon having his big fat say. There were fifty mounted cannon in the battery, Thundering, thundering, louder than before. Clarinets of every size and trumpeters who'd improvise A full octave higher than the score. Seventy-six trombones hit the counter point,  While a hundred and ten cornets blazed away. To the rhythm of Harch--Harch--Harch All the kids began to march And they're marching still, right today! Sincere How can there be... Any sin in Sincere? Where is the good in goodbye? You're apprehensions confuse me dear Puzzle and mystify Mystify, tell me... Where is the fair in farewell, dear? While one single star shines above? How can there be in sin in sincere? Aren't we sincerely in love? Oh... we're in love The Sadder-But-Wiser Girl No wide-eyed, eager, wholesome, innocent Sunday-school teacher for me That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever... Listen boy... A girl who trades on all that purity Merely wants to trade my independence for her security The only affirmative she will file Refers to marching down the aisle No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess, no sir! For no Diana do I play faun, I can tell you that right now I snarl, I hiss, how can ignorance be compared to bliss? I spark, I fizz, for the lady who knows what time it is I cheer, I rave, for the virtue I'm too late to save The sadder-but-wiser girl for me No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby-doll baby, no sir! That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance No dewy young miss who keeps resisting All the time she keeps insisting No wide-eyed, wholesome, innocent female, No Sir! Why, she's the fisherman, I'm the fish, you see? Plop! I flinch, I shy when the lass with the delicate air goes by I smile, I grin when the gal with a touch of sin walks in I hope, I pray for Hester to win just one more 'A' The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me. The sadder-but-wiser girl for me! Pickalittle Alma: Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more Alma and Ethel: Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more Ladies: Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more Maud: Professor, her kind of woman doesn't belong on any committee. Of course, I shouldn't tell you this but she advocates dirty books. Harold: Dirty books! Alma: Chaucer! Ethel: Rabelais! Eulalie: Balzac! Maud: And the worst thing Of course, I shouldn't tell you this but-- Alma: I'll tell. Ethel: The man lived on my street, let me tell. Eulalie: Stop!  I'll tell. She made brazen overtures to a man who never had a friend in this town till she came here. Alma: Oh, yes. Oh, yes! That woman made brazen overtures With a gild-edge guarantee She had a golden glint in her eye And a silver voice with a counterfeit ring Just melt her down and you'll reveal A lump of lead as cold as steel Here, where a woman's heart should be! Eulalie, Alma, Maud, Ethel, Mrs. Squires: He left River City the Library building But he left all the books to her Alma: Chaucer! Ethel: Rabelais! Eulalie: Balzac! Ladies: Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little,  Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep Pick a little, talk a little, Cheep! Marian The Librarian Marian, Madam Librarian What can I do, my dear, to catch your ear? I love you madly, madly, madam librarian, Marian Heaven help us, if the library caught on fire And the volunteer hose brigade men Had to whisper the news to Marian Madam Librarian What can I do, my dear, to make it clear? I need you badly, badly, madam librarian, Marian If I stumbled and I busted my whatchamacallit I could lie on your floor unnoticed Till my body had turned to carrion Madam Librarian Now in the moonlight a man could sing it In the moonlight... And a fella would know that his darlin' Had heard every word of his song With the moonlight helping along But when I try in here to tell you dear I love you madly, madly, madam librarian, Marian It's a long lost cause, I can never win For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin Any talking out loud with any librarian Such as Marian, Madam Librarian My White Knight My white knight, not a Lancelot, nor an angel with wings;  Just someone to love me,  who is not ashamed of a few nice things. My white knight who knew what my heart would say if it only knew how. Please, dear Venus, show me now. All I want is a plain man All I want is a modest man A quiet man, a gentle man A straight forward and honest man To sit with me in a cottage somewhere in the state of Iowa. And I would like him to be more interested in me than he is in himself. And more interested in us...than in me. And if occasion'ly he'd ponder what make Shakespeare and Beethoven great,  Him I could love 'til I die. Him I could love 'til I die. My white knight, not a Lancelot, nor an angel with wings. Just someone to love me, who is not ashamed of a few nice things. My white knight, let me walk with him where others ride by;  Walk and love him 'til I die. 'Til I die. The Wells Fargo Wagon Ooho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street Oh please let it be for me Oho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street I wish, I wish I knew what it could be I got a box of maple sugar on my birthday In March I got a gray mackinaw And once I got some grapefruit from Tampa Montgomery Ward sent me a bathtub and a crosscut saw Oho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' now Is it a prepaid surprise or C.O.D.?  It could be curtains Or dishes Or a double boiler Or it could be Yes it could be, yes you're right, it surely could be Somethin' special Somethin' very, very special now Just for me! Oho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' down the street Oh don't let him pass my door Oho, the Wells Fargo Wagon is a-comin' I wish I knew what he was comin' for I got some salmon from Seattle last September And I expect a new rockin' chair I hope I get my raisins from Fresno The D.A.R. have sent a cannon for the courthouse square Oho, the Wellth Fargo Wagon ith a-comin' now I don't know how I can ever wait to thee It could be thumthin' for thomone who ith no relathion But it could be somethin' special just for me Oho, you Wells Fargo Wagon, keep a comin' Oho, you Wells Fargo Wagon, keep a comin' Oho, you Wells Fargo Wagon,  Don't you dare to make a stop until you stop for me! It's You It's you in the sunrise, It's you in my cup It's you all the way into town. It's your sweet "Hello, dear" That sets me up And it's your "Got to go dear" That gets me down. It's you on my pillow In all of my dreams Till once more the morning breaks through. What words could be saner Or truer or plainer Than it's you, it's you, it's you. Yes, it's you! Shipoopi Now, a woman who'll kiss on the very first date Is usually a hussy And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out Is anything but fussy But a woman who'll wait till the third time around Head in the clouds, Feet on the ground She's the girl he's glad he's found She's his shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi The girl who's hard to get Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi But you can win her yet Walk her once just to raise the curtain Walk around twice, And you make for certain Once more in the flower garden She will never get sore If you beg her pardon Do re mi fa sol la si do Si la sol fa mi re do Squeeze her once when she isn't looking If you get a squeeze back, that's fancy cookin' Once more for a pepper-upper She will never get sore on her way to supper Do re mi fa sol la si do si do Now, little ol' sal was a no-gal As anyone could see Look at her now, she's a go-gal Who only goes for me Squeeze her once when she isn't looking If you get a squeeze back, That's fancy cookin' Once more for a pepper-upper She will never get sore on her way to supper Do re mi fa sol la si do si do Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi The girl who's hard to get Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi But you can win her yet Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi The girl who's hard to get Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi But you can win her yet Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi The girl who's hard to get Shipoopi Shipoopi Shipoopi But you can win her yet You can win her yet Shipoopi! Lida Rose Lida Rose, I'm home again, Rose To get the sun back in the sky Lida Rose, I'm home again, Rose About a thousand kisses shy Ding dong ding I can hear the chapel bell chime Ding dong ding At the least suggestion I'll pop the question Lida Rose, I'm home again, Rose Without a sweetheart to my name Lida Rose, how everyone knows That I am hoping you're the same So here is my love song Not fancy or fine Lida Rose, oh won't you be....Mine Lida Rose, oh Lida Rose Oh Lida Rose...   Marian: Dream of now Dream of then Dream of a love song That might have been Do I love you? Oh yes, I love you And I'll bravely tell you But only when we dream again Sweet and low Sweet and low How sweet that mem'ry How long ago Forever Oh yes, forever Will I ever tell you? Oh no. Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana Let me say it once again Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana That's the town that knew me when If you'd like to have a logical explanation How I happened on this elegant syncopation I will say without a moment of hesitation There is just one place that can light my face: Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana Not Louisiana, Paris, France, New York, or Rome But Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana Gary, Indiana My home sweet home! Till There Was You There were bells on the hill, But I never heard them ringing. No, I never heard them at all, Till there was you. There were birds in the sky, But I never saw them winging. No, I never saw them at all, Till there was you. And there was music, And there were wonderful roses They tell me In sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and dew. There was love all around, But I never heard it singing. No, I never heard it at all, Till there was you.

 

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This page was updated on Sunday, May 6, 2001